"I don't hear any screaming!"

Monday, January 5, 2009

5:10 pm I'm crippled.

Do you know what it feels like to be lied to? It hurts, doesn't it? It hurts real bad. I know I said I'd be posting about adventures in Disney - and I will - but I need to take a moment to talk about the traumatic events of today.

They said it was a "minor procedure." For, like, years, my toes have been hurting me, but recently it's been a lot worse. Last semester, when Stephanie and Kaitlyn came to visit me, I literally couldn't walk because I was in so much pain. And I was pretty sure I knew the culprit: in-grown toe nails.

Stop that! Don't roll your eyes! They can be really, really bad! Like knives stabbing you in the toes. Don't judge until your nails have been where no nails should go.

So, a few weeks ago I go to a podiatrist and, like I said, they say I need a "minor procedure." They're just going to numb my toes, slice the nail to the root, remove that part of the nail, and put a chemical in to stop the nail from growing there. Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. It all sounded so easy.

But when I arrived at the doctor's office this morning I was in for a wild ride. First, they put me in this room and tell me I'm going to have to ruin my pedicure by taking off my nail polish on my two big toes. This was traumatic enough. But first, the doctor decides to spray my feet with this crazy cold gas and then inject my toes in two places (per toe) with this numbing stuff.

You can faintly see the blood drops...

It was painful. When he was finally finished, I looked at the arm rest and saw a sweat mark where my hand had been. Then, while my toes are bleeding from the injections and slowly going numb, I had to remove my nail polish. It's very strange touching your feet and not feeling it. I felt like I was taking off someone else's nail polish... but I wasn't. My brain was freaking out.

So, the doctor leaves me alone for a while to let the numbness set in, and I text Steph to take my mind off of things.

T: 10:38: My toes are numb! Its so weird.

S: 10:39: You are doing great!

T: 10:41: Haha how do you know?? You're not even in here!

S: 10:42: I don't hear any screaming!

Then the doctor comes in, puts up the little curtain thing so I can't see, and starts hacking away. I can only see the tools he's using and the bloody gauze he keeps throwing in the trash. I try not to pass out.

Before I left, he wrapped my toes so they're about twice they're normal size, and I've been laid up all day. I thought I was going to be able to work out today! I'm supposed to go to Panera for dinner! I'm supposed to go bowling tonight! I had big plans! Instead, all I could do is watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall (again) and order Stephanie around.

Now I'm in a little bit of pain, but the worst part was I had this itch while I was riding home with Stephanie, and my toes were still numb. I'm reading this book called "The Brain That Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge (it's okay), and I just finished the chapter on phantom limbs. I'm pretty sure I had a phantom itch.

Poor me.

Love,
Tara